Make A Start
by KatyBaker
Summary: A story that will be made up of at least two parts, containing MY VERSION of events of what transpired between the shooting and the engagement announcement. It will contain my version of Jamie's confession, Jamie and Eddie being there for each other emotionally, and the proposal... and potentially more. Could be a full-blown story. :) *Title is from a song by Plested*
1. The Beginning

**Author's note: I. Have. No. Words. I mean, I do, but... That finale took my breath away. *SPOILER ALERT* OUR BABIES ARE ENGAGED! This is going to be at least a two-part story about how I would like things to have gone. The next chapter will contain how I pictured the proposal/pre-proposal. I don't know. I just wrote what I pictured. I hope you guys like it! And to my No Safe Place readers, the next chapter will be up soon!**

 **Also, follow me on my Jamko Instagram, TeamJamko, and on Twitter at Team_Jamko.**

 **Read and review! Love you guys!**

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 **Chapter 1: The Confession**

They stood there for God only knows how long.

Eddie was shaking like a leaf, and she was positive that if Jamie hadn't been holding her so tightly, she would have fallen right down to her knees.

She didn't know it, but Jamie was shaking just as badly, his arms around Eddie the only thing keeping him upright. She was acting as his anchor, and she didn't even know it. She was keeping him grounded.

She always had.

Jamie's heart was pounding so hard he felt like it would burst through his ribcage. Eddie's head was now nestled in the space between his neck and shoulder, and her tears were just now slowing. Her hand was wrapped around the back of his neck, and her fingers were absentmindedly stroking the skin there. It seemed to be comforting to her, and truthfully, the rhythmic pattern she was tracing was comforting him, too.

Finally, Eddie burrowed her face in closer to the sensitive spot behind Jamie's ear and said the three words he'd been wanting to hear – and say – for longer than he cared to admit:

"I love you."

The words were low and Eddie's voice was hoarse from crying, but Jamie heard her loud and clear. The husky, whispered words sent shivers down his spine.

With tears in his eyes, Jamie finally pulled away from Eddie just enough to see her face. Her cheeks were flushed and heartbreakingly tear-stained and beads of sweat were dripping down her forehead, but he was sure she had never looked so beautiful. She was studying his face just as he was studying hers, her stunning blue eyes flitting to his and then roving over his forehead, his cheeks, his chin, his neck, and then locking with his eyes again. It was as if she were searching for injury and taking a mental photo of his face at the same time, trying to memorize every detail.

All sorts of emotions were clogging Jamie's throat, but he would be damned if he didn't get out what he wanted to say. Eddie felt his hands run up her back, over her arms and shoulders, and eventually come to rest on her face. His coarse thumbs were laid perfectly on her cheekbones, running back and forth and leaving chills in their wake.

Jamie's eyes bore into Eddie's and absolutely nothing else existed in that moment. There were additional squad cars all around them, but Eddie only heard and felt Jamie (and her soaring heartbeat pounding in her ears). Jamie's thumbs on her cheeks and his eyes searing into hers were all Eddie could focus on.

Until he finally spoke. Then her heart was racing and she honed in on his words and then _**they**_ were all she could hear. They were breathless and hoarse but they were the most beautiful thing she had ever heard.

"Eddie, I love you, too. I love you so much… More than you'll ever know, and I refuse to go back to pretending I don't."

Jamie's voice was wavering with ragged, raw emotion, and Eddie felt the tears start to fall unchecked. A combination of the running, the pure fear, and every other emotion that was clogging her throat had Eddie completely winded, and she felt like her heart was about to pound clean out of her chest.

She shook her head, swallowing hard. "No, Jamie, I _do_ know. I love you just as much, and I'm so sorry that it basically took you almost dying for me to say it." She chuckled a little at the end, realizing the complete and total insanity of the fact that she'd told him she loved him for the first time after he'd almost been killed and she'd blown the perp's head to smithereens. "Don't think I'm saying it just because you almost got your head blown off… I'm not. I'm just… When I saw him with that gun aimed at you, everything we've ever said to each other, and everything we never got to say ran through my head, and I realized that you not being here has literally become my worst nightmare. I'm so sorry it took this happening for me to have the balls to say that I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone and I'm sorry that-"

Next thing Eddie knew, Jamie's lips were on hers, effectively stopping her breathless apologies and confessions. His kisses were somehow urgent and gentle at the same time, and Eddie couldn't help but sigh into the kiss. It was a sigh of pure bliss, but it was also a sigh of relief.

Jamie was _**here**_. He was alive, uninjured – as far as she could tell – and they were holding each other. His lips were on hers and his arms were around her.

When they pulled away from each other, breathless for a whole new reason now, Jamie's forehead was against Eddie's – much like their first kiss on that sidewalk what seemed like a decade ago – and when their eyes connected, it was as though something had shifted. Everything had changed.

Jamie's mind wandered to that ring he had in his dresser, literally in the sock drawer, the one he had bought the day he was late for Sunday dinner. He had lied and said he was helping Eddie study, when really, he was shopping for the perfect ring. Now he just needed the perfect time to ask her, something he'd laid awake thinking about for nights on end lately.

He had wanted to badly to propose to her on that bridge a few days before, when they had rescued that kidnapped baby and Jamie had comforted Eddie as she held the baby girl in her arms, emotional and out of breath and awe-struck. Her heart was so huge, and it showed more than ever that day.

Emotionally, he was ready right there to propose. He had never felt more in love with her.

Until today, that is, when she had taken a life to save his.

Someone who wasn't Eddie calling out his name was what brought Jamie back to reality, and he pulled away from Eddie just enough to see a paramedic coming towards him. Embarrassingly enough, he didn't even realize ambulances had arrived; he'd been far too caught up in Eddie and almost being shot to death, he supposed.

"Officers, I need to check you both over. You know the drill." Automatically, the man annoyed Jamie, probably because he was intruding on one of the most important moments of his life. No matter the reason, his voice felt like sandpaper on a sunburn.

Jamie and Eddie both went through an exam by paramedics. Jamie's face was cut from the glass that had hit him when Sorrento had fired, but that was about it. Eddie was, of course, unharmed, but only physically. Jamie could tell she was haunted by having to shoot Dante, and by seeing the bloody mess that had once been his head.

The fact that was haunting them both, though, was that that could have been Jamie, easily.

Jamie held Eddie in the back of the ambulance, grateful they were positioned away from the car so Eddie didn't have to stare at the body any longer than was completely necessary. Eddie was grateful, too, because she knew the image was burned into her brain and she would be seeing it enough over the next few weeks, in the awful nightmares she was sure to be plagued with.

If it was anything like the brutally cold day where she'd shot that dealer in the courtyard when he pointed his gun at her head, it would stick in her mind for more than a few weeks. She used to wake up in the middle of the night, even a month later, her chest filled with fear and guilt, and the disgusting, twisted image of the dealer's blood draining onto the snowy ground. Even Jamie hadn't known the extent to which that day haunted her.

Jamie always knew exactly what Eddie needed, whether he was aware of it or not. After the courtyard shooting, Jamie had held her close as she cried, guilt nearly choking her to death. He'd said, "I'm not going anywhere," and by god, he had meant it, even though she was pretty sure he meant for that night he wasn't going anywhere.

But he was here. Now. Three years later. They were holding each other this time, but Jamie was still there with Eddie snuggled into his side.

When Danny and Baez finally arrived, Danny was frantic, looking over Jamie from head to toe despite the fact that he had already been examined. Jamie refused to let go of Eddie, so Danny and Baez stood by the back of the ambulance. It was automatically assumed that Jamie had fired the shot that killed Sorrento, and when Jamie told them what really happened, both sets of eyes went wide.

Danny clapped Eddie on the shoulder, earning a smile. "One _**hell**_ of a shot, Janko," he said, his eyes wandering over to the crashed car that was now being examined by God only knows how many people. Jamie couldn't even count all the people who had arrived since the shooting, but what he knew for a fact was that he wanted to be anywhere but there.

"Thanks," Eddie muttered, being her usual self and not wanting to be given credit where it's due, even for something as amazing as saving her partner's life.

"You saved my baby brother's life, Eddie," Danny added, and Jamie could have sworn he heard a crack of emotion in his brother's voice. Eddie heard it, too, and looked up from the ground at Danny, feeling tears begin to sting behind her eyes. Sure enough, the emotion both of them detected in Danny's voice was in his face. In a manner completely unlike the tough, balls-to-the-wall Danny Reagan, he was making no effort whatsoever to hide his feelings. Baez looked shocked and as if she were about to cry herself.

Eddie had a sudden surge of courage and, before she could talk herself out of it, said, "I love him. I would do anything for him, literally." She gestured to the car holding a _very_ dead Sorrento as she said _literally_ and a shiver rocked her so hard that Jamie felt it and reflexively pulled her tighter into his side. "I always will do anything for him, no matter what."

Jamie was filled with emotion at Eddie's words, his eyes getting misty. In that moment – and every other moment if he's being honest – he loved her more than anything else in the world, and that both thrilled and terrified him.

As he held Eddie and watched his big brother tearing up while he tried to get himself together enough to actually do his job, Jamie's mind went back to the ring once again, and as Eddie's words, _I always will do anything for him_ , echoed in his head, he could suddenly picture slipping that ring on her finger and moving in together and waking up together and bickering and laughing and buying a house of their own and having kids and every single other thing that people who are in love and married do. He pictured a life. A future. Everything he ever wanted.

Everything he ever wanted was sitting right next to him. She'd been there the whole time, right under his nose, and it had taken all of this for that fact to really, truly hit him. If he'd had the ring there, he would have proposed to Eddie right then. But obviously, that wasn't meant to be.

As Danny and Baez asked Jamie and Eddie a few questions and then offered to give them both a ride back to the 12th to give their statements. Jamie and Eddie quickly piled into the backseat of Danny and Baez's car, and Eddie stayed glued to Jamie's side. She was shivering, and Jamie was pretty sure it wasn't from the cold. "You alright?" he asked her, running a hand over her cheekbone again.

Eddie nodded, although she looked like she was either about to fall asleep or pass completely out. "I'm just ready to go home and sleep for the next three days. Or just sit in my apartment and stare at the wall."

Jamie, Danny, and Baez all chuckled, knowing the feeling all too well. Firing your weapon on the job was draining on its own, but when it resulted in a death, no matter who it was, it could nearly destroy you. Jamie may have been the target, but it had been on Eddie's shoulders to save him, and she had. She had annihilated the man.

For him.

As Eddie sagged into him, with her face back in her favorite spot between his neck and shoulder, Jamie's heart swelled to a size he didn't think was possible. He knew then what he had to do, what he had wanted and _**needed**_ , desperately, since he met her for the first time that night in front of the precinct, with those beautiful blue eyes and the smile that still took his breath away.

Sure, maybe he hadn't entirely thought through the timing of the ring-buying and the – hopefully – engagement, considering they hadn't even dated. But it was Eddie. He had been thinking about spending forever with her for a very, very long time.

Tomorrow wasn't promised to anybody, and today had punctuated that in a harsh, brutal, traumatizing way. Jamie had told Eddie how he felt – a step in the right direction – but now, he was going to make sure she knew every day, no matter what, that he loved her more than anything or anyone.


	2. The Aftermath, Part I

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey, kids! As usual, I'm sorry this took so long. I was weighing the pros and cons and taking all of your opinions about turning this into a full-blown story into consideration, and it has been decided that Make a Start is going to be a continuous, multi-chapter story. I will be continuing No Safe Place as well (and its sequel after NSP is done). This is SUPER long and I'm really sorry, but I'm splitting The Aftermath into two parts, because what I have written that follows this is out of this world long. So I apologize if this drags on. But still, I hope you enjoy. Don't forget to review, and send me any prompts you may have (Jamko or Spoby only). Also, follow my instagram teamjamko for updates on my stories and fun graphics and all kinds of fun shit. Love you guys!**

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 **Chapter Two: The Aftermath, Part 1**

Immediately following the shooting, Eddie and Jamie were immediately taken back to the precinct to give pertinent details – more protocol – and Eddie had to surrender her weapon for investigative purposes, as well as her uniform.

Even though the seizure of her firearm wasn't, in any way, a disciplinary action, it made her feel naked and vulnerable (even more than she already did), but at the same time, she didn't want to look at the damn thing anymore. She had her off-duty weapon locked up at her apartment, and that was going to have to be good enough.

Jamie and Eddie were interviewed separately, as per usual, and gave their statements, and Jamie was waiting for Eddie when she was done. He had done the same thing after the courtyard shooting, and she hadn't seemed all that shaken then.

Now? Now, she looked upset and completely, utterly exhausted. She was torturing herself; Jamie could see it in her eyes and, most of all, in her actions. She was different. Just like last time, he expected her to walk right past him, too upset or tired this time to be around him.

This time, it was literally the polar opposite, and it scared the hell out of Jamie. Eddie took three steps outside of that meeting room door, closed it rather loudly behind her, looked at him dead in the face (the look in her eyes almost broke him), and practically fell into his arms. There were definitely tears, but she wasn't making any sound; Jamie could only tell she was crying by the rhythmic heaving of her body.

Jamie, terrified she was going to drop them both to the floor, cradled Eddie close to his chest and led her to the nearest empty room, one that, luckily, had a lock that he utilized without hesitation. He sat down on one of the chairs with Eddie literally on his lap, one of his hands stroking her hair, which had long since been taken out of the bun she normally wore, and the other hand on her back, rubbing up and down her spine.

Eddie, meanwhile, felt like there was an elephant sitting on her chest. Her lungs refused to take in air, and her fingers and toes were starting to go numb. She knew damn well that she was hyperventilating, but she couldn't get her mouth to work long enough to articulate it.

But she didn't have to. Jamie could feel her chest heaving and pulled back a little, cradling her face in his hands and looking her in her panic-filled eyes. "Shhh, it's okay," he said, brushing a lock of hair out of her face and stroking her skin. "I need you to breathe. Breathe or you're going to pass out. Everything is okay, Eddie. You're fine. Just breathe."

His words were comforting, but they weren't doing the trick completely. Eddie's vision was starting to get fuzzy, like she was looking at everything through a dirty window, and she knew Jamie was right when he said she was going to pass out if she didn't breathe. The fuzzy vision was the indicator.

She pulled back enough to look up at his face, and even through the haze, it was filled with terror. Considering she was still gulping for air, that wasn't surprising, but she hated like hell that she was the one to cause him to feel that way. He had felt enough terror for the day. She had put him through enough, and frankly, he should be the one crying, unable to breathe; not her.

Eddie focused on Jamie's face, trying to concentrate on what he was saying, watching his lips move. She felt his hands on her face, on her back, in her hair, between her shoulder blades and back up, which she found to be more comforting than anything. Upon returning to the precinct, she had changed into a baby blue t-shirt and – so uncharacteristically – a pair of sweatpants that she normally wouldn't be caught dead in, and she could feel Jamie's calloused fingertips through the thin fabric of the t-shirt.

The feeling of Jamie's fingers and the sound of his voice, whispering comforting words in her ear, was grounding Eddie. She was slowly coming back to the present, and when she could see halfway clearly again, she saw that she was curled completely into a ball on Jamie's lap. She was holding onto him so tightly she now felt a dull ache in her arms.

As he watched Eddie come back to reality, Jamie rocked them back and forth slightly in the chair, something he was pretty sure he would only do with Eddie. The bold, brave, smartass cop he knew and loved was nowhere in sight. No, taking her place was a tiny, vulnerable woman who was finally breaking down, letting out everything she'd been bottling up for God knows how long.

Eddie's eyes were burning, so she closed them for a few seconds and then opened them again. She blinked up at Jamie, who was trying desperately to keep his face straight so as not to panic her and failing miserably. He looked terrified. He had always been good at not letting his face give him away, but today was clearly the exception.

She looked around and realized they were at the precinct, and her brief memory lapse crashed and burned. She remembered the coffee shop. That inner voice that told her something wasn't right. She remembered running outside, screaming, only to find Sorrento firing a shot at Jamie's head. She remembered firing back at the bastard just before he sped away.

And she _**definitely**_ remembered running out into the street, yelling Jamie's name, aiming the gun at Sorrento and firing one single brave shot. She could still hear the sound of the car crashing.

She could still see Sorrento's head, or what was left of it, slumped against the steering wheel, and she was disgusted with herself that she felt remorse. She felt guilty for blowing someone away, someone who was going to kill her partner, best friend, and love of her life. Mainly, though, she felt pure, unadulterated relief that Jamie was alive and safe, relief which they expressed through tears and embraces and, finally, all those tear-filled confessions that were long past due.

Jamie was alive and safe and holding her right now. He knew how much she loved him. That was what mattered.

Jamie's fingers pushing the hair off of her forehead brought her back to the here and now. "You're okay, Eddie. You're alright," he murmured in a comforting manner that Eddie swore could have lulled her right to sleep had she not been in such a panic. "Do you remember what happened?" His expression gave her the impression that he was afraid of the answer.

Eddie nodded, leaning into Jamie's fingers that were now weaving themselves into her hair. She couldn't help but cringe a little as she answered. "Unfortunately, I recall me firing a shot that blew somebody's head apart, a somebody that was trying to blow _your_ head apart, and I also recall us… saying things." She looked up at him from under her lashes and smiled, the smile small and shy but there, nonetheless. "Have you changed your mind yet?"

Jamie looked panicked for a beat and then recovered perfectly, the corners of his lips quirking upwards into a smile of his own. "Not yet. It's not too late, though," he said with a chuckle, earning him an elbow in the ribs. The fire was back in her eyes for the most part, and Jamie was more relieved than he could express. The fear in them – some of which he could still see, but nothing like before – had torn his heart to shreds.

Apparently, Eddie's attitude and determination were still present as well, because, after squeezing Jamie tight one more time, she swiftly got off his lap and to her feet before he could stop her.

She wasn't standing for two seconds before she started to wobble a bit, unsteady on her feet, most likely from the shallow breathing and resulting lack of sufficient oxygen. Jamie's arms shot out and caught her around the waist, pulling her back down onto his lap. "Whoa, hey. You alright?" he asked her, his arms tight as a vice around her.

Eddie nodded and made an attempt at a chuckle, although it sounded a lot more like a choking cat and convinced absolutely no one. "I need food… then maybe I will be. Turns out saving your life makes me hungry." She quirked an eyebrow, and it was an exhausted version of the fiery look she always gave him in the RMP when she was giving him shit or being sarcastic, the look that usually turned him on more than he would likely ever admit to her.

This time, Jamie just grinned back at her, his amusement at her sarcastic briefly trumping his concern. "You're never gonna let me forget that you saved my life, are you?" he asked with a shake of his head.

Eddie finally managed a genuine laugh and surprised Jamie by reaching a hand up to stroke his cheekbone, just as he had done to her. His skin was soft beneath her fingers and he found himself leaning into her hand. "Not a freaking chance." She was smiling but there was obvious concern on her face as she studied her partner. Jamie looked as exhausted as Eddie felt, even though she knew damn well he would never say so. Of course, he didn't need to; it was beyond obvious. She was running her fingertips lightly from his cheekbone to his temple, and he looked like he was about to fall asleep right there with her on his lap.

She would have been one hundred percent okay with that, but of course, he came back to reality soon enough (too soon). He grabbed the hand of Eddie's that was on his face and kissed her palm twice, sending shivers up her arm and down her spine. It was such a simple gesture but it shot straight to Eddie's core and made her heart swell.

She had it **bad**. It was more obvious than ever in that moment, when something so minor and simple made her feel _everything_ , things she shouldn't feel right now, in public, after something so terrifying had happened.

"You wanna go to Finnegan's?" Jamie asked her, still holding her hand so tightly it was almost painful (she didn't give a damn, of course), like he thought she would disappear if he let her go. She felt the same way and gripped his hand as tightly as she could in return. When Eddie nodded vigorously at the idea, Jamie chuckled and moved both his hands to her waist. "Can you stand?"

Jamie's question earned him a massive eye roll, even though they both knew he had a point. "Of _course,_ I can," Eddie said with a scoff, as if it were the most absurd question she'd ever been asked. "Especially if it means I get a Finnegan's cheeseburger."

Placing both hands on Jamie's shoulders, Eddie gently pushed herself up off his lap and stood to prove her point, thanking her lucky stars when she didn't falter or wobble. Jamie's hands stayed on her sides just in case, and only when she'd stood for at least thirty seconds did was he remotely convinced, smiling and standing to take his place beside her. "Alright, Shorty. Let's get you fed before you die of starvation."

Eddie couldn't help but smile at the nickname, and she was too tired to feel pathetic for it. She was still smirking a bit as Jamie led her out of the room with his arm around her back, just as they had done on numerous occasions throughout their partnership. But this was different, and they both knew it. The t-shirt Eddie had changed into had ridden up a little less than an inch, and Jamie's fingers were now resting just above her hip bone, directly on that little tiny sliver of baby-soft skin. His nails were subconsciously scraping across it, leaving massive chills in their wake that Eddie hoped he couldn't feel.

Jamie didn't notice. Neither of them noticed much besides the bizarre looks they were getting as they walked out of the precinct, neither wanting to let go of the other. Frankly, Eddie never wanted to let Jamie go again after today, and little did she know, Jamie felt the same way. He could keep her right there, safe under his arm forever.

 _Forever_. It was a word Jamie had never fully associated with Eddie. Sure, he had thought time after time about them being together, and he had wanted it more than anything for so long, but it was always an impossibility in his mind. There was a huge roadblock there; "forever" was not anything he thought would ever apply to them, as much as he wanted it to.

But that was different now. _Everything_ was different now. That roadblock was now smashed to shit.

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Eddie's hands were still shaking even as her and Jamie took seats on barstools side by side at Finnegan's. Her heart had _just_ stopped pounding a few minutes ago. Whether it was the shooting itself or what had happened after with Jamie, she was shaken to her core. Partially in a good way, partially the polar opposite. Hours later, she was just now calming down.

It was nearly 8PM by now, and Eddie was starving. Jamie was pretty sure her eyes rolled back into her head when the waiter brought their food, placing Eddie's massive burger with everything (besides tomatoes) on it and her two orders of French fries in front of her, followed by the drinks they'd ordered. With the day they'd had, they were tempted to order so many shots of tequila they'd both be puking in an alley afterwards, but they knew that they needed to be sober to process everything that had happened.

And now, everything that was _going_ to happen. The thought of it made both of their heads spin.

Obviously, there was much to discuss; not about their feelings, because those were laid out flat. Basically everything was on the table, including the _I love you_ s that had been stuck in their throats for the last five years and that had come tumbling out breathlessly. It had been made abundantly clear that they were going to be together, partners in a completely different way, no matter what they had to do. The words hadn't been said, but it was in their actions and other words that were. There was no question.

What _did_ need to be discussed, however, was how they were going to go about it. Were they going to just ask for new partners? Were they just going to keep on keeping on as partners on the job, hiding the fact that they were romantic partners as well until it could no longer be hidden? Was one of them going to request a transfer to another precinct?

These things were exactly what was running through Jamie's head as he nibbled on his French fries and sipped his Coke, staring off into what he thought was the distance. It turned out he was staring at Eddie, who swiveled on her barstool with a huge bite of her burger in her mouth and said, "Take a picture, Reagan," snapping him clean out of the daze he suddenly seemed to be in.

Before Jamie even knew what was happening, Eddie was reaching over and stealing three French fries from his plate, stuffing all three in her mouth in the most Eddie-esque manner possible. She was acting mostly like herself again, and the relief he felt was enormous. "I'll take a picture if you keep your hands away from my food. Don't you have your own fries?" He leaned over and peered at her plate, unable to see anything before she swatted him away.

"Correction: I _did_ have my own fries," she quipped, now pointing to her plate that was, indeed, void of French fries save for one tiny burnt piece. "Remember, Reagan… I saved your life. You kind of owe me."

Jamie gave a tiny smile and rolled his eyes. "Here we go again." With a shake of his head, he gave in and snatched up a handful of fries, slapping them onto Eddie's plate. "There. Happy?"

Eddie was already squirting more ketchup onto her plate and paused long enough to grin triumphantly at him. "Yes, you little shit. I am." She stuffed two fries into her mouth after dousing them in ketchup and swiveled a bit more on her barstool so that she was facing him more directly. "So… Wanna talk about what happened or what?" When she realized Jamie was avoiding her gaze, she nudged his shin with her sneaker-clad foot to get his attention. When he did look back at her, that sneaky, playful expression was gone and had been replaced by an emotion Eddie couldn't quite identify. It was almost as if it were every emotion he'd ever felt – and then some – all rolled into one.

Serious as a heart attack now, Jamie scrubbed his hand over his face, his fingers lingering on his jawline. He took a long sip of his drink, obviously stalling. When he did finally answer her, he surprised her by grabbing her hand and stroking his thumb over her knuckles, the calloused pad sending chills down Eddie's spine. "I know we need to, Eddie, and I want to, believe me. But not here." He gestured to the general space around them, to the loud, tipsy, starving throngs of people that were everywhere he looked. "What do you say we go back to my place after this? We can talk about everything there." He took a long swig of his soda, watching Eddie closely.

Eddie's sense of humor was sharp as ever, because she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at the "go back to my place" question, one corner of her mouth turning up into a wry smile. "You could at least wine and dine me a little bit first, Reagan," she whispered huskily, running a hand through her hair and raising her eyebrows at him.

Jamie nearly choked on his drink and Eddie relaxed back into her barstool, twirling a lock of blonde hair between her thumb, index, and middle finger and laughing her ass off at his reaction to her teasing. She'd always enjoyed teasing him — be it with her body or her words — and now that they were more than work partners ( _way_ more), he had a good feeling the teasing would amplify monumentally.

Jamie's body buzzed with anticipation.

Jamie swallowed hard, cleared his throat, and thanked God that when he spoke, it wasn't shaky and weak. "I would say this **is** me wining and dining you," he joked with a roll of his eyes. "Finnegan's is one of your favorites, anyway. I think you would actually pick it over a five-star restaurant."

"You're not wrong, lamb chop," Eddie said with a wry smile that made Jamie's heart jump as she finished off her plate and pushed it away. She let out a deep sigh and leaned back again. She was silent for a few minutes and Jamie left her in her silence, but he watched her expressions closely. She could feel his eyes on her even when she wasn't looking at him.

Jamie didn't interrupt her random, rare bout of silence until her facial expression turned to sad and something else he couldn't pinpoint. All he knew was he didn't like it; she looked troubled, more than she had all day. Obviously, that was expected; they were both beyond entitled to a meltdown after what had happened, but the suddenness of her mood change was what bothered him.

Finally, Jamie reached forward and put his hand on Eddie's knee, rubbing circles on her knee cap with his thumb. "Ed, what's wrong?" he asked her, head tilted to the side, studying her face.

Eddie did exactly what he predicted she would. She shut down. She shook her head as if trying to clear a bad thought from her brain, and her eyes were cloudy when they locked with Jamie's. "Nothing. I just spaced out. Sorry. You ready to go?" Jamie didn't answer. He just stared at her, eyebrows raised, silently saying _you're full of shit and I know it._ Eddie sighed and grabbed Jamie's hand, squeezing it tight. "Seriously. I'm okay. I just had a moment."

Really, Eddie knew she should be the one checking on Jamie. He was the one who had almost been shot to death, who had had to watch his partner of five years chase after the shooter and then blow his head into two pieces (which Eddie could still see in her head). But instead, he was worrying about her.

"If you're sure you're okay." Jamie's eyes weren't narrowed anymore — thankfully, because it made her feel like a deer in the headlights — but they were fixated on her still. "Let's head back to my place before it starts raining." Jamie's phone had alerted him to a downpour that was already in the other boroughs, and he didn't want them to be caught in it.

Jamie grabbed Eddie's hand as she hopped down off her barstool and lead her towards the front, where he paid before wrapping his arm completely around her and hauling her out the door with him, having to push through throngs of people that seemed to think it was a good idea to clog the only exit.

They were immediately greeted by the sound of the rainfall they couldn't hear inside the insanely loud building, the rainfall Jamie had hoped wouldn't start until they got to his apartment. But Eddie huddled closer to him, one arm around his waist, her fingers nearly slipping underneath his t-shirt, and suddenly he wished it would rain all night.

They stood under the overhang two doors down from Finnegan's for a couple minutes, Eddie tucking her cell phone away out of the rain, never letting go of Jamie. Jamie couldn't take his eyes off of her, and when she caught him staring, she stared straight back at him, her eyes connecting unwaveringly with his. Before she even knew what she was doing, she stood up on her tiptoes and suddenly they were kissing for the second time that day.

This kiss wasn't sweet. It was full of fervor and ferocity, and desire hit Jamie like a freight train. He tried to push it down, but he could feel his body responding. That very same desire was pooling in Eddie's stomach, and she found herself pushing Jamie a couple inches backwards towards the wall they were standing just in front of.

Frankly, Eddie didn't know where her boldness came from in that moment. She couldn't blame it on alcohol this time.

But as Jamie pulled her against him and his hands found her lower back, right above her ass and his tongue found hers, she didn't really give a fuck where the boldness came from.

Eddie moaned involuntarily at the feeling of Jamie's tongue on hers and she could feel Jamie responding. The push and pull was delicious and neither of them wanted to stop.

And they didn't by their own accord. A loud clap of thunder sounded and they parted from each other, both sets of blue eyes glazed over and bodies tingling. Jamie ran a hand through his hair and tried to catch his breath. Eddie was grinning and staring out at the rain, shaking her head as if in disbelief.

"Well, _fuck_." It was Eddie who broke the two-minute silence that followed, cursing on a sharp exhale.

There was certainly no apologizing for this kiss. It was what they both had wanted for five years. Eddie didn't feel guilty for basically attacking Jamie, and Jamie didn't feel guilty for responding to her. Their first kiss had been awkward and full of uncertainty. The second had been after they'd admitted they had feelings for each other, but it never went anywhere. Eddie had smacked him on the butt, said, "Good talk. See you tomorrow," and walked out of his apartment.

This one was in a class all its own.

"Yeah, pretty much," Jamie agreed, his breath coming out in a _whoosh_. "You ready to head to the car?"

Frankly, Eddie's emotions were high and she was a bit nervous about being in the enclosed space of the Mustang with Jamie, but obviously she had no choice. It was almost as if him nearly being killed had tripled all her emotions and, apparently, caused her hormones to suddenly bombard her, causing her to bombard _him_.

Still, she didn't regret it. Truthfully, she never regretted kissing Jamie, even for a second. She hoped he felt the same.

Jamie wrapped his arm around her once again, ducking his head down to where it was somewhat covering Eddie's. The rain was harsh when they stepped out from under the overhang, and the wind was whipping the rain in their faces. They were both soaked to the bone by the time they got to the Mustang, and Eddie's teeth were chattering loudly. It might have been May, but the rain was frigid.

However, it didn't seem to affect the desire that had both of their bodies tingling from head to toe. It was practically coming off of them in waves as Jamie pulled out of his parking space, white-knuckling the steering wheel.

"The Night We Met" by Lord Huron was playing on some alternative station, and Eddie knew every word. Jamie heard her singing along quietly, looking out the window, tracing the raindrops on it with her finger.

Even in the car, Jamie couldn't keep his eyes off Eddie. He'd always had a hard time with it, from their first night in the RMP together. Tonight was no exception.

 _Take me back to the night we met._ That was the lyric Eddie was singing when Jamie looked over at her next. There was a tiny smile on her face, a peaceful one he rarely saw, and he vowed to make sure he saw it a lot more often from there on out.

The song and the rain together almost had Eddie lulled to sleep, and she didn't want to move from the warm car by the time they got to Jamie's building; that is, until Jamie reached over and squeezed her thigh, effectively - _very_ effectively - getting her attention. "Let's get inside before this rain gets any worse."

 _Yeah, and before my damn hormones get the best of me again,_ Eddie thought to herself as both of them climbed out of the car and into the cold, pummeling rain.

By the time the pair were walking through the door to Jamie's apartment, they were dripping all over the floor but laughing their asses off at the hilarity of it.

Jamie watched Eddie as she took her shoes off, followed by her soaking wet socks. She was chuckling and her hair was sopping wet and her eyes were sparkling and Jamie couldn't help but think that she looked more beautiful than ever and he loved her so much it scared him.

"You okay, Reagan? Do I look _that_ bad?" Eddie asked, eyebrows raised and grinning.

Her voice snapped Jamie out of his thoughts, and he recovered pretty quickly, rolling his eyes and shaking his head at her. The girl had no damn clue how beautiful she was. "The _exact_ opposite." He yanked his own shoes off and lined them up with Eddie's by the door before turning back to her. He took a few steps so he was standing in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm gonna go change. I'll get you one of my t-shirts and see if I can find you some sweatpants or something, okay?."

Normally, Eddie would have declined and just dealt with the rain-soaked clothes that were sticking to her body in the most disgusting way possible. Not tonight; tonight was different, in so many ways. "Yes please."

Jamie kissed Eddie's forehead before padding off to his bedroom. Alone in Jamie's living room, Eddie found herself staring out the window at the rain, which was now coming down twice as hard as it was when they'd left Finnegan's.

She was still staring when Jamie came back wearing dry sweatpants and a t-shirt, and carrying the same for Eddie. "Obviously they'll be big on you, but they'll have to do for now. Besides, I don't think either of us have the energy to worry about our wardrobe right now."

"Honestly, I could be wearing nothing and I wouldn't care right now." The words came flying out of Eddie's mouth unchecked and her hand flew to her mouth immediately. "Holy shit. That came out totally wrong. That is _not_ what I meant."

Jamie tried. He tried his _**damnedest**_ not to laugh, but a loud belly laugh came out before he could stop it and Eddie slapped him so hard on the arm that it actually stung. He couldn't help but get a visual of Eddie _literally_ wearing nothing, and he tried his best to push it out of his head. He somehow managed a witty response. "Yeah, Eddie, we know what you meant."

Eddie moved to smack him again, but he moved too quick for her this time. Instead she just shot him with a glare that he swore could burn a hole in him before she turned and made her way to the bathroom to change. Jamie was shocked to the core when she turned around and said over her shoulder, "You know what? Maybe I _did_ mean it that way," before heading to the bathroom without another word.

* * *

After Jamie and Eddie were both in dry clothes, they plopped down on his couch and, without hesitation, Jamie pulled Eddie into his side, tucking her safely beneath his arm.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a good ten minutes, listening to the rain and wind. The silence was shattered to pieces by the loudest clap of thunder either of them had ever heard, and suddenly they were both back on that street, with Eddie yelling and gunshots and their feet pounding the pavement almost as hard as their hearts were pounding in their chests.

Eddie swallowed down the lump of fear that had lodged in her throat and gazed out the window again, avoiding Jamie's eyes and trying to collect herself.

"You know, after the shooting in the courtyard," she began shakily, "I had horrible PTSD. I never really told anybody about it. Not even the department shrink."

Jamie let out a sharp exhale and put his hand on Eddie's back. "Eddie, you could have told me. I would have been here for you no matter what."

When Eddie turned around, she had tears in her eyes. "You _were_ here for me. You stayed with me that night and that helped so much. But the PTSD couldn't have been helped. I just had to work through it alone." She shrugged and grabbed Jamie's hand, interlocking their fingers. "But this? Almost losing you? I'm afraid it's going to stick with both of us forever, Jamie."

Jamie squeezed her hand as tightly as he could, so tight his knuckles were stark white, and looked her dead in her teary eyes. The fear in them almost shattered him. "Maybe so, but you know what else will stick with us forever?"

A tear slipped down Eddie's cheek and she swiped it away, hoping Jamie didn't see it but at the same time knowing he did. "What?"

"You and I, standing on that street, holding each other and realizing that we were both safe when we so easily could have been the opposite, and you and I saying most of the things we've wanted to say to each other for five years." Jamie reached up a hand and stroked Eddie's tear-streaked cheek, and he cupped her face when she leaned into his hand. "I think that that part of today will stick with me more than anything that has happened before it."

As Jamie said the words, his mind once again wandered to the engagement ring in his bedroom and he was consumed by the need to ask Eddie, and soon. He didn't have any clue how he would go about it, or if she would even say yes, but he would be damned if she didn't have that ring on her finger by the next week.

Eddie, meanwhile, let her emotions get the best of her again, and her lips were on his once more.


	3. The Aftermath, Part II

**Author's note: This is just an extension of chapter 2. I couldn't fit everything into one. Next chapter, there will be a bit more Jamko steaminess and Jamie and Eddie will try to find the loophole in the no dating in the department rule. Don't forget to follow me on Instagram: teamjamko.**

* * *

 **Chapter Two: The Aftermath, Part 2**

Thunder was booming and the storm was roaring outside, but Jamie and Eddie didn't hear anything except for their pulses thundering in their ears and the occasional moan that slipped from either Eddie or Jamie or both.

The kiss wasn't rough or urgent or rushed this time. There weren't fingers grasping at clothes or teeth clashing together. This one was slow and sweet, and so unbelievably gentle. Jamie's hands landed on either side of Eddie's face and her hands were on his sides, subconsciously clutching the soft material of his t-shirt tightly in her fingers.

To both Jamie and Eddie's complete shock, the kiss didn't heat up at all. Even at the very end, it was gentle as could be and so very opposite of the kiss in front of Finnegan's that seemed to have happened only minutes ago. When they pulled away, their lips were swollen and their eyes were sparkling and, dammit, they both felt every single good emotion that existed, and then some.

Jamie and Eddie stared at each other for a good minute or two before either of them spoke, and when they did, it was Eddie who piped up, her voice hoarse and thick with emotion. Suddenly her face was solemn and her mood change was beyond obvious. "I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you today." Her finger traced over his cheekbone, down his jaw and back up again, over and over, almost like she was calming herself.

"Hey. Come here." Jamie leaned back against the couch and pulled Eddie into his side. His right hand was stroking her hair and his left was holding one of her hands. He flashed back immediately to the night after the courtyard shooting, when he'd held her and tried to soothe her the best he could. "You didn't lose me. I'm right here. And I always will be."

Jamie felt Eddie tense against him and she pulled out of his embrace to look at him. "You can't promise me that, Reagan." Tears were pricking her eyes and she tried in vain to keep them from spilling out. "You can't possibly promise me you'll always be here."

Jamie wiped the two tears that fell from Eddie's cheeks and leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead before looking her dead in her watery eyes. "Maybe I can't promise that, but I _can_ promise that I'll do every single thing in my power to stay safe." He studied Eddie's anxiety-filled face for a moment or two. Jamie could tell that she was biting the inside of her mouth, another nervous tic that he'd picked up on but rarely seen. Before she could draw blood, he put a finger under her chin and turned her face toward him. "And you know damn well that I can promise you I'll always keep you safe."

Eddie's eyes softened and she couldn't help but smile a little, even if the rest of her expression was pure worry and fear. Jamie's expression, however, was nothing but love. "I've never doubted that for a second. You've protected me and had my back one hundred percent from day one. Especially after what happened with…" She trailed off and that sweet little smile was gone, replaced by a grimace.

Jamie knew exactly who Eddie was referring to. Jake Singer. The son of a bitch who had sexually assaulted Eddie when she refused to have sex with him after a date. The vision of her bruised, battered face and her broken, haunted expression when Jamie had gone to her apartment the following day would haunt him forever, he was sure.

Jamie tucked Eddie back under his arm, securing her to his side, and she snuggled into his embrace, saying nothing. "Eddie, I would have killed that man with nothing but my bare hands if it stopped him from ever touching you again." The words came out harsh and rough, but they were true, and they both knew it. Still, that kind of edge was something rarely heard in Jamie's voice.

It didn't seem to bother Eddie, though. She snuggled literally as deep into him as was physically possible, almost as if she was trying to climb inside him and disappear, and slung her arm over his middle.

And then, so quietly Jamie almost didn't hear her, she said those three little words again.

"I love you."

Jamie turned and kissed Eddie's temple, his lips lingering there for a few beats before he whispered against her skin, "I love you, too, Eddie. I love you so much." He pressed his lips flush to the skin there one more time before pulling away.

The words — his words, her words — hung in the air for a few minutes, and the two partners sat in what was, minus the rain and booming thunder, total (yet comfortable) silence. Jamie's hand was running from Eddie's hair, down her back all the way to her tailbone, and back up again.

Eventually, Jamie felt his eyes growing heavy. Maybe it was the sound of the rain or having Eddie under his arm, snuggled into his side, or both. Her steady breathing and the warmth radiating from her was comforting.

No matter how exhausted either of them were, Jamie and Eddie both knew it was time to address the elephant in the room. It was Eddie who spoke first. "So… before we both fall asleep sitting up… can we please talk about what happened today?"

Jamie absentmindedly raked his fingernails against Eddie's arm, up and down, over and over. After a tiny stretch of silence, he looked at Eddie and moved his hand up to stroke her hair. "I don't really know what there is to talk about, Eddie. I love you. I always have. Now that I know you feel the same way… I don't think there's much to talk about on that front."

"Well… what about on the job front?" Eddie asked quietly, chewing the inside of her mouth again.

Jamie sighed deeply and ran his free hand over his face, his fingers lingering on his jaw for a moment. "All I know right now is that I want to be with you, and as much as I don't want to stop riding together, if it means we can be together off the job… I can deal with that."

Eddie was silent for a beat while she processed his words, and then she smiled up at him in a way that made his heart nearly stop. "Then we're in agreement." She stretched up to press her lips to Jamie's cheek, and then whispered against his skin, "So I guess we really don't have anything to talk about."

Smiling, Jamie turned his head to press a single, gentle kiss to her lips. "Either way, we don't have to figure anything out tonight," he reminded her when their lips parted, tucking her back under his arm. "All I know is I want to be with you and you seem to feel the same way, so… that's enough for me."

To Jamie's surprise, Eddie scoffed, and when he looked down at her face, she was grinning. He opened his mouth to ask her what the deal was, but she answered before he could. "I ' _seem to_ ' feel the same way?" she repeated with a snicker. "Was what I said after I shot Sorrento not enough to make it clear I feel the same way?"

Jamie let out a low chuckle that Eddie could feel from where she was now absentmindedly tracing her finger up and down Jamie's sternum. "Point taken."

Eddie took the hand that was tracing and smacked his chest with the back of it. "Don't be a moron, Reagan." Jamie didn't have to look down at her to know that she was rolling her eyes at him. Little did she know, he had found the eye rolling hot from the beginning. "You know how much I love you. I've more than proved it."

"You have. And I hope I've proved it to you." He planted a kiss on the top of Eddie's head, and when he angled his head to look at her, he saw that she was fading quick. Her eyelids were drooping.. "Do you want to go back to your place? Or stay here?"

Eddie reached up and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. She felt like her eyelids weighed fifty pounds each. "Is it okay if I stay here?" she asked quietly, listening to the rain and hail hit the sidewalk and blow against the windows.

Jamie _literally_ scoffed and stood up, reaching his hand out to pull Eddie up. When she was on her feet — much more steadily than before — Jamie's arms snaked around her. "Of course it's okay, Eddie. Don't be a moron," he quipped, throwing Eddie's earlier words back at her with a sleepy smile, which Eddie returned with a laugh and a shake of her head. He put his hands on Eddie's shoulders and looked into her bloodshot, exhausted eyes. "Ready for bed?"

Eddie nodded and, as if on cue, let out a huge yawn, followed by a raspy chuckle. "Was that answer enough?"

"Point taken. You take my bed," Jamie told her with a chuckle of his own, pressing a kiss to Eddie's forehead.

He hadn't even taken two steps towards the bathroom to get ready for bed before Eddie was protesting.. "Umm, no, Reagan." She grabbed the sleeve of his t-shirt and pulled, forcing him to turn around. "You're _definitely_ a moron if you think I'm letting you sleep on your couch."

Jamie smiled and decided to feign innocence. "Well… What, exactly, did you have in mind for sleeping arrangements? Because I'm too tired for this." The last part definitely wasn't a lie. In fact, it was the understatement of the year.

Eddie was onto him. She could hear the little nervous lilt in his voice. He knew _exactly_ what she was about to say, and his face confirmed this when the words actually left her mouth. "You, next to me. That's what I have in mind. I don't care if we're on the bed or the couch or the damn floor. I just want _you_."

 _I need you._ Eddie's words from right after the courtyard shooting bounced around in both of their exhausted brains. The similarity wasn't lost on either of them. It was so similar, yet so very different, in ways that neither of them could bear to think about in the moment. So much had changed, in good ways and in bad.

Jamie gave Eddie a semblance of a smile, which she returned with a sigh. "Can we please go to sleep? I can't keep my eyes open," she confessed, reaching a hand up to rub her burning eyes.

Jamie pressed another kiss to her forehead, his hands on either side of her head, fingers tangled in her hair. "Let's go," he said simply, putting his hand between Eddie's shoulder blades, steering her towards the bathroom. "There's a spare toothbrush in the second drawer in the bathroom. Use whatever you need." He pinched the bridge of his nose and ran a hand over his face, muffling his words.

"'Kay," Eddie agreed half-heartedly, the exhaustion clear as day in her voice. Jamie left her to be alone in the bathroom and Eddie closed the door, standing in front of the mirror for a few seconds, eyeing her reflection. She looked absolutely as exhausted as she felt. There were deep purple rings under her eyes and her hair was an absolute wreck, but she couldn't even find the energy to care.

While Jamie pulled back the covers and got ready to settle in, Eddie brushed her teeth and peed for the first time all day (she'd had other things on her mind). When she finally padded into Jamie's bedroom, Eddie couldn't help but think that it was exactly what she'd always imagined Jamie's room to (and she had _definitely_ thought about it, far more than she cared to admit). It was simple but warm, nothing too fancy but not too plain. With the rain pounding against the windows and the occasional clap of thunder, and with Jamie standing next to the bed with only the light of the bedside lamp on, it looked like heaven.

"I swear to god, a bed has never looked so good." When the words left Eddie's mouth, her eyes weren't on the bed she was referring to; they were on Jamie, and Jamie's eyes were definitely on her.

"You're telling me," Jamie agreed, his eyes studying Eddie in a way that made all kinds of heat rush to her face. Luckily, he ended the staring contest before either one of them got too heated up.

He yanked the covers back and climbed in on the right side of the bed, gesturing for Eddie to climb in on the other, and she did so without hesitation.

Both Jamie and Eddie had imagined more than either of them would admit what it would be like to be laying next to each other, and with the added effect of the storm roaring outside, it felt better than they had imagined. As if they had laid together a thousand times, Eddie automatically snuggled into Jamie's chest, and his arms coiled around her, hugging her to him. Somehow, he reached behind him to switch the lamp off, and then it was just the two of them in the darkness, the wind blowing the rain against the windows harshly.

Two minutes of silence passed. Then three. Then five… and then ten. Finally, just as Jamie was about to drift off to sleep, fingers stroking Eddie's hair (something that he'd found comforted him as much as her), he heard her say in a raspy whisper, "Hey, Reagan?"

Jamie looked down at her, pulling back just a bit. Her eyes were closed, but she was obviously awake. "Yeah?"

Eddie nuzzled her face into Jamie's neck, and he could feel her smiling against him.

"You _have_ proved it to me, you know."

"Proved what?" Jamie's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, exhaustion apparently slowing him down a bit.

"You said that you hoped you've proved to me that you love me… and you have. I've known since the whole Jake Singer thing. You prove it to me every day."

Grinning sleepily, Jamie pulled Eddie in even tighter and buried his face in her hair. "Then we really do have nothing to talk about... Not tonight."


End file.
